finding your girl gang + GIRL CODE
*I am using Caris, Audrey, & Maddie as examples but am also overflowing with LOVE & APPRECIATION & THANKFULNESS for my dance/school/church/drama friends as well (!!!!!!!!) I am using them in this specific article but I really do adore my other friends as well. :)) *
Soul mates are not always romantic.
IN FACT, in my experience (all my *seventeen years* of indestructible wisdom) soul mates are un-romantic MOST OF THE TIME. Even though I'm still fiercely searching for an Augustus Waters who just "gets me" & who I passionately kiss in the pouring rain while John Mayer songs blare in the background, I just GOTTA SAY:
My soul mates are my best friends.
The people who just get me without saying anything, who drive to my house when they've found out my grandpa's in the hospital, who get me my fav flowers for no reason & who've been reading my writing since I was a ten year old who couldn't spell. The girls who I can talk to about snapchat streaks & the Meaning of Existing & who know my favorite ice cream flavor & who I connect with on levels deeper than most. These are the people worth living for. They are the people who remind you that God does not only exist but He also is such a loving and good God.
Okay, but HOLDUP: these relationships don't just happen. Sometimes connections are immediate buuuut not usually. Other times, it takes seventeen years of tears & growing & repetitive GROWTH to make these friendships happen. In my case, I've had to work for these kind of soul mate situations!!! Ask ANY of my friends- I screw up & am selfish & aren't there for my friends constantly. But I always try to mend situations & hearts because I wholeheartedly believe there's magic in a solid girl group.
Genuine human connection, having someone to laugh with until you're on the floor in Kroger at 12 at night, and someone to ruin your mascara in front of is something I WISH EVERYONE COULD HAVE.
The Goddess Rupi Kaur herself said:::
"Most importantly, love like it's the only thing you know how. At the end of the day, all of this means nothing. This page, where you're sitting, your degree, your job, the money- nothing even matters except love & human connection. Who you loved & how deeply you loved them- how you touched the people around you & how much you gave them."
Amen.
I have experienced all sorts of rare & different & AMAZING connections/friendships as a teen!! And, yeah, sometimes I just DON'T click with people. That's okay. You don't have to be BFFS with every single person you encounter. You don't HAVE to be friends with everyone, PERIOD.
I feel like as girls we forget that we have the choice to literally be around whoever the heck we choose. Just because you're in class with someone or because your parents are BFFS does not determine anything. You can edit your life, including the characters. Find the people who bring out the love in you and cling to them. Forget anyone who makes you feel
-less than
-like you have to pretend
-inadequate
-offended
-like you're carrying the friendship entirely
You only have 4 years to live it up in high school. Why waste time with shallow people who don't respect & love & adore you completely?
But enough about selectiveness (though it is something all girls should consider) I want to write about how to find the people who bring out the soul in you. (not in an exorcism weird creepy kind of way, in a pinterest kind of way. you get it.)
Look for the people who:
1. Make you feel good abt yourself ! :)
Look for the people that make you feel content exactly as you are. You don't have to put on foundation or wear something super cute to feel accepted or okay around them. Be around people who are constantly serving or complimenting and who are NOT COMPETING with you. Women who compliment instead of compete are truly strong women. This is so important. Be around people who make you feel better about yourself after you've left.
2. Are Selfless
Selfishness is an epidemic for teenagers, I swear it is. I act selfishly all of the time. However, there are people out there who have hearts big enough to purge the selfishness & focus outwardly. Look for people who ask about YOU. Who call just to ask if you're okay. Who will listen to you talk endlessly about your dreams & hopes & the cute cashier at Tropical Smoothie. To be with someone who actually asks about how you are- & CARES- that is such a RARITY. I try with all the energy of my heart to be that person for other people but I screw up a lot of the time. A true girl group isn't one-sided; everyone should get to talk about themselves equally without one person stealing the spolight constantly, or relating EVERYTHING back to themselves.
One of the most irritating things to me is the "but what about me?" attitude that so many girls have. I have LITERALLY been in a room where a girl was talking about her depression, & it was all very spiritual and impactful and cleansing, and this one girl just starts talking about her boyfriend. Her inconsequential 17 year old BoYfRiEnD out of nowhere. (!!!!!!!!)
Being empathetic is entirely different. It's okay to share similar experiences and stories IN SUPPORT of a friend, but to oNLY talk about yourself is relationship suicide.
3. Honor Girl Code
Girl Code seems to be a vastly foreign concept in our culture and I despise that. I've said it once & I'll say it a million more times- you have have HAVE to put girls over boys. Boys are so FLEETING. Unless you're engaged, he probably won't matter to you in a month. Not to say that boys are 'bad' or that girls who have boyfriends are evil, they're totally not! I've been the boy-obsessed girl way too many times that I care to admit.
But seriously, never fight about a boy. It's not worth it. Always ask for permission to date or pursue a guy who was previously off limits. Don't text a boy if you're out with your friends.
A TEENAGE BOY SHOULD NOT BE THE REASON FRIEND GROUPS ARE TORN ABOUT.
I can't emphasize that enough!!!
Establish a clear Girl Code with your friends & never ever break it.
The love I have for my friends is absolutely unparallelled. I think liberation when it comes to friends honestly comes when you realize that you only want to associate with people who are kind, selfless, & care about YOU. These people actually exist. I try to be one every day but fall short. I think if, as girls, we start supporting each other & believing that there are more to friendships than people to feature on your insta, we can put more positivity on this planet.
I love you guys.
Sky. :))